Sifting

He looked down from on high and gathered the sand in His hands. Each tiny rock, a speck of dust, were options; choices, circumstances, and experiences that have yet happened. He brought the dust closer in to inspect each one carefully. Gently, he sifted through it, allowing some events to fall like a waterfall from between His fingers and off the side of his hand. Never to be experienced. Possibilities that didn’t line up with his plan and purpose.

He pointed his index finger into the remaining pile of dust and lovingly swirled the tiny stones around the palm of his hand. Hidden under the dust was a scar of his own that he had chosen long ago to start this beautiful relationship he was now cultivating with the tip of his finger.

A tear escaped his eye and rolled down his majestic face. The pain he knew these experiences would cause brought tightness to his heart, but he knew the end result, and it would be a glorious sight.

Three dark stones rested in the midst of the others. He gazed at them and took a deep breath in, pressing his finger on top of them as they rested on top of his scar.

It was time.

I drove into work with a deep sense of foreboding. My husband had told me not to think the worst of the meeting, but the way my life was unravelling, I just knew there was one final stone to be tossed. Slowly I made my way towards the doors, and in a daze I set my bag down and took a seat at my desk. My boss came in, and the moment I saw his expression, I knew the end of this story.

I lost my job. My dream job. My boss ensured me it was of no fault of my own, they had to restructure and do some serious budget cuts. I had poured my life into that job, and now, although I know it wasn’t personal, it sure felt like I was being tossed to the curb. The meeting took all but fifteen minutes, and like a wrecking ball, it was the final swing that brought the house tumbling down.

I had been grieving a broken friendship, mourning the loss of a family member and the trauma that surrounded it. Now I had lost the stable income that was also a job I had thought was the pinnacle of my career. I had nothing left to give. I broke.

Three stones.

“For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.” Isaiah 54:7

I knew I had snapped. My husband stayed close to home those first few days, afraid to leave me alone. I was in a dark haze while the days blurred together. My life as I knew it had come to an abrupt halt. My thoughts slurred together in a messy compilation of self-hate, doubt, and hopelessness.

“When the Holy Spirit is received, sifting starts – God is going to refine you, and burn up the sin in your life to become a witness.” – Pastor Garrett Mourn.

He looked down at the three stones that lay upon his scar, and then around at other tiny stones that remained scattered in the palm of his hand. He waited until he heard the distant cry of the shattering of a broken spirit. He shuttered at the sound. It brought agony to his heart. Being a Refiner was no easy task. With a heavenly sigh, he brought his finger to the loose pebbles and allowed one pebble, as small as a mustard seed, to roll onto his scar and join the three.

Those three stones flew straight for my reflection. What I had seen as who I was and where my value laid was now shattered before me like broken glass. The pieces began to fall away and rays of light began to shine through the cracks. As I fixed my eyes on his purpose, a sight more stunningly beautiful than anything I could have imagined began to appear. His radiance surrounded an image of myself I could hardly believe was true. She was clothed in peace and gentleness. Her heart beat smoothly, as if held up by hands unseen. Her eyes were steadfast with a profound wisdom hidden within her soul. She was the image of resiliency that she forged within the walls of her home. Her children stood empowered by her side; healthy, confident, and beautiful. She stood as a fortress, pure and unwavering. Truth whispered to my heart, “Great will be your children’s peace. In righteousness, you will be established.” (Isaiah 54:13-14)

“Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.” Isaiah 38:1

I looked down at my current state. The hard part was over, the canvas was wiped clean. Now it was time to work alongside the Artist to start painting his purpose before me. Together, we pursued movement, wisdom, and guidance.

We all have heard and are aware of the hormonal benefits of exercise. This was my first shield of defence. I aimed to elevate my heart-rate a little higher than normal and move my body to trigger those happy endorphins every day. Some days I was empowered to make it through, but other days, I needed to just stop and rest. I allowed myself to grieve, cry, sit, pray, and sleep. I knew, just as much as I needed the physical activity to boost those hormones, I also needed the downtime, as my mind was on high stress trying to process everything I had been through.

Wisdom was found connecting with women who resembled the woman God was molding me to become. I met with these women in my honest brokenness, and they spoke truth and wisdom into my life. I was pushed out of my comfort zone with these incredible Warriors of Faith; holding hands and praying in the middle of Starbucks and Sushi restaurants. Ladies, you know who you are. Your influence over my life held me together, kept me sane, and pointed me towards our Saviour. I cannot thank you enough for being unafraid to stand with me in my darkest moments.

I found an amazing book titled, Building a Resilient Life; by Rebekah Lyons. Throughout this book, I walked through my pain, being able to identify its source, and then take action on overcoming it. If you are struggling through a traumatic event or a significant loss and feel completely broken, I highly recommend this book. She defines Resilience as the ability to be content, to accept what is, and to have the courage to surrender to Christ anything that comes our way. She shares how nothing we are going through hasn’t been sifted through God’s hands. His good and perfect will is for us to be drawn to him, and to gain our strength from him. Whatever we are going through, we are not supposed to go through it alone.

He gently folded his hand and closed his fingers on top of the stones. Tightening his fist around it all; the good experiences and the bad ones, he allowed them to grind against each other, refining them with friction. Opening his hand again, all of the dirt and ash had vanished within the folds of his hands. There, now capturing the rays of the sun, was left the purest of gold and the clearest of diamonds. Beautiful jewels sparkled in the palm of his hand. He smiled lovingly at the result, then reached for a crown he had been molding for years. He graciously added the pieces onto the crown. A crown, perfect for a daughter of the King.

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10

She.

She picks up the war-paint and clutches it in her fists.  With each brush stroke across her face, she settles in behind the mask.  Gone the blemishes, the fear, the insecurities, the hurt.  Beneath the shield she can stand and walk tall.  Ready to face another day.  Ready to hide, to remain silent and unseen; shame will not find her today.  She has put down her sword, her weapon is her vanishing act.  And she is the master of disguise.  She is New Woman, she is Strong Woman, and she is also the Crowd.

New Woman has taken the leading role.  She is taller than the others.  Her shoulders more square, as if her very skeleton is attempting to shout deception from beneath the skin.  Her hips are narrow.  Her muscles large and powerful.  She stands alone to fight while the Crowd cowers.  She is so much faster than all of the others, so much stronger.  Her prominent jawline clenched in authority.  She squeezes her hands into fists, holding onto The Secret.  She effortlessly wins, and the audience praises her for being so brave and powerful.  But underneath…she knows.  She has cheated the system.  He may be hidden, but he is still there.  He will always be there.  But together, they have taken over Strong Woman.  They have conquered her, and she is no more.

Purpose tempts Strong Woman.  She is driven and determined.  She awkwardly stands outside of the Crowd, refusing to be one that cowers.  She is alone, for she is an outcast.  This world is not made for her.  She must be submissive and silent.  She must serve and remain unseen.  She must step aside to allow New Woman to take the lead.  For Strong Women are no more.

The Crowd forms an impenetrable circle.  They look towards Strong Woman and whisper lies.  They see her as the Threat.  Strong Women, they say, are bitter, heartless creatures.  They must be silenced and cast aside.

Because New Woman has the leading role.

One from the Crowd whispers to another “Look at Strong Woman!  Look how she stands with her shoulders tall and her head held high.  She is a disgrace to us!”  Another responds, “Does she think she can lead us?  She cannot, she is not like us, she climbs and tries to rise.  She does not know her place.”  The crowd move further away from Strong Woman.

Strong Woman looks down at her hands.  With these hands, she worked tirelessly to capture her identity.  She looks down at her feet.  With these feet she has danced the trails and allowed her spirit to rejoice within her.  Her pilgrimage has brought her Truth and only with that, can she have hope to rise.  She hears the whispers of the crowd, she knows the circle is closed.  She presses her hand to her heart and sees New Woman still stands triumphantly looking down at the Crowd.

Strong Woman considers the battle she could face to remove New Woman.  She looks to the Crowd for support, hoping one could see her heart, discover the Truth, and join with her.

But the crowd only sees her form and rejects it.  They turn in towards themselves and mourn for their identity, for it is lost.

Strong Woman looks up at New Woman.  She begins to walk.  New Woman dares her to challenge.

But no. Strong Woman walks on past and fades into the horizon. For Strong Women are no more.

Pursue.

I was completely alone in the woods.  Panic started to settle in.  Was I lost?  Had I took a wrong path?  I kept telling myself to push through and to keep going.  I was six hours and 42km into this race, and there was no way I was going to stop now.  I was committed.

After an exhausting climb to the top, I began my decent down, and that is when the pain shifted from muscle fatigue to joint pain. Each step down screamed at me to stop. It was all I could focus on, but I pressed on.

I felt the longing ten years ago.  It nagged at me, like something was pulling the bottom of my heart strings.  I couldn’t place it, but words started to settle in and take root;  community, family, wellness, adventure, building.

So I began to search.  I tried to create this environment I had in my church.  And it failed.  I didn’t have the people skills or the knowledge to know how to start it.  Then I tried it at work, and it started to build.  People started connecting.  Friendships and bonds were beginning to form.  Kids and parents started to gather together…I felt like my dream was finally starting to take form.

With my husband’s work causing us to move, a song inspired me to take the leap; The Struts would sing, “Could have been me”.  I had to take the chance.  Just what if its out there?  What if I missed out on an opportunity?

The song sings, “I wanna taste love and pain, wanna feel pride and shame. I don’t wanna take my time, don’t wanna waste one line. I wanna live better days, never look back and say could have been me, it could have been me.”

Often when I am inside, my thoughts and heart begin to wander.  My gaze drifts to a window and I search for a view of the mountains.  They are constantly calling me.  They often interrupt my thoughts in mid-conversation and they tempt me to run away and recklessly abandon all solidarity and run.  There are times my body is present, but my spirit is off soaring on a subconscious adventure through the trees, dodging roots and rocks that speckle the curvaceous path before me.

So we moved and I pursued again.  For five years.  I tried again to form this vision at two more gyms and another church.  My heart began to ache, and I remember saying to my husband, “Why would God place this vision, this longing on my heart if it’s not meant to be?”

I started to work at a gym that didn’t have a facility.  This gym would pop up kids camps and school bootcamps.  They had said maybe eventually they would open up a gym in Calgary.

And then the nagging grew until it felt like I couldn’t hear anything else.  I blindly started typing out my dream, my vision.  Like a dam breaking and the waters finally released to flow, rushing through unmarked land, recklessly abandoning all caution. 

I poured. And then I leaped. I sent it to my boss.

I had been running for nearly eight hours.  I was positive my toes were bleeding.  My hydration pack was causing callouses on my collar bone and lower back, and my knees screamed at every step I took.  The trees cleared and the path before me opened up towards the finish line.  I pushed past the pain, opened my stride one last time, and ran down the hill.  Fifty-two kilometres.  I did it.  I completed my first solo Ultra.  Crossing that line, I crumbled; gasping for air I was over-taken by emotions of relief, of pain, of joy.  The experience of that moment will forever be something I will cherish.  I was stubborn enough to pursue the finish line, and now have the medal to prove it.

The day after I sent that email to my boss, he called me.  I answered, and he said; “So I read your email and laughed.”

I forgot to breathe and my heart felt like it stopped mid-beat.  He continued; “Yesterday I met with the owner, and we wrote down what we had envisioned if we started a gym here in Calgary.  And then after the meeting I received your email; describing our gym.”

I am now apart of a new gym whose focus is build community and empower athletes; for every member of the family.  The gym opens in a couple of weeks, and I am so excited to begin this new job I am made to do.  Every experience, every failure, every obstacle that I faced, has been preparing me for this new adventure.

Dear friend, pursue your dreams.  Jump in with both feet.  Pray relentlessly.  And despite all of the pain, all of the years of waiting, longing, training; pursue.  Because dreams really can come true.

“When you have found just how fast you can run; When you have found your place in the sun. It’s not just you that you’ll find; has made the run and the climb. It’s everyone. Learning to bend and not to break; living to give more than you take. Dying to live, living to try; feet on the ground, dreams in the sky. It’s never how much you have.” Living The Braveheart Life: Randall Wallace.

Held.

In the deepest crevice within the palm of your hand, where the folds of skin rise encasing the valley.  There I stand, looking up at the lines and grooves within your hand.  Each line, a path I could choose to discover.  The call to climb high within the deepest path tugs at my ambition.  To climb higher, to reach your finger tips and stand at the edge and overlook the horizon entices me.  But I can feel your gentle breath, the winds blowing my hair from my face and my cheeks to brighten, and my heart tells me where to go.

I turn and smile.  Here I continue my journey.  Leaning in towards the path before me, I run.  Allowing my feet to gracefully tumble down your lines within your skin.  My footing is secure.  My arms move freely, counter balancing my movements through the soft terrain.  The hill to my right is smooth and daunting as it climbs towards your thumb.  I choose to run around it, where the path is bumpy and easier to navigate.

The sun shines down on my face and warms me from within.  I can feel your smile.  I smile in return and continue down the curves of your hand.  My heart feels as if it is flying, my feet light, and I can barely feel the impact when my foot strikes down with each stride.

I can feel you ever so gently shift your hand to keep me upright and keep my footing steady.  My heart feels connected to you, and here is where I belong.  Within the curves of your nature, feeling your breath against my face, and your eyes ever on your created.  I am yours, enveloped in your protection.

I can feel your fingers want to curve around me as if to protect me from outside forces, although I know in an instant you could crush me, I also know I am safest beneath the shadow you create.

I reach the edge of your thumb’s belly.  Now there is only a slight drop to where I need to be.  I skillfully lean back and open my arms out.  Leading with my heels, I step down carefully to the base of your hand and here the terrain turns to what seems like vines hovering underground.  Your veins pulse with an intensity I can feel through my bones.  I try to still my breath, straining to hear the gentle pulsing of your existence.  Your life sounds like distant rushing rivers, causing me to pant for a drink of your goodness.

My thirst for you grows.  And then I see it.  Just past your wrist, there.

A deep wound.  Healed; yet still tender.  The wound is circular like something was driven through and you were pierced.  Your skin is scarred and gathered around it; the scars themselves forming a crown around the wound.

I step delicately over its edges and into the center of your grief.  And here I stand.  I look down; the wound looks like the rings of a tree.  How many rings for how many years you have waited for us?  Generations have passed and still the rings form, counting the people; your love, your compassion and goodness.  Calling us all to make this journey; this beautiful dance within your grasp.

Here I lay down.

Safe.  Encased in your everlasting crown.  Captivated by your beauty.

My heart beats for you, my soul, placed within your scarred rings.

Do not let me fall from the palm of your hand.

Belonging

Pulling into the parking lot and looking up at the hill before me, I saw the ice and knew it was going to be a slippery trek to the top.  I looked back at my excited dog in the back seat who was overjoyed with the idea of being outside on an adventure.  The sight didn’t seem to deter him at all.

I got out of the car and started my leg warm ups of dynamic movements, swinging my legs and opening and closing my hips; warming up my joints for the run I was about to put them through. The wind was hitting me hard, and grateful for my hat, I kept my face down to avoid the blast of cold air against my face.

Lacing my dog up to my waist, I told myself this is good I am here, I needed the escape and the peace of just me and my pup on the trails.  There was no time limit or distance to be met, this run was for my mind.   I was seeking peace and usually for me that is found on a distant trail away from the chaos of life.

We started our run.  Running across and over ice patches slowed my run down a great deal, and then the wind started hitting me from what seemed every direction.  With my head down beneath my hat, my hands curled into fists within their gloves, my heart was beating unnecessarily hard against the elements.

Like the storm that surrounded me, my thoughts poured in. Broken relationships and hurtful words that occurred during the holidays left me achy. Regrets of failures tumbled before me, failed exams, failed relationships, failed jobs, failed ministry, failed friendships. Throw in Covid chaos and I was a complete mess.

I have been on a journey to discover the presence and peace of God.  And somehow I found myself on the wrong path.  I thought if I just went out into the wilderness again I would find Him, but these winds, these icy conditions, and the chaos within made me feel completely alone and frustrated.  I could not handle it anymore.  I stopped mid-stride and looked across the open field.  There was no one crazy enough to be out here.  There was no peace out in this wilderness.

I looked up towards the mountains, they were glowing white, their sharp edges cutting the crisp blue sky with a reverence of majesty.  “You are too difficult!”  I screamed to the heavens.

The Wind blew, and then whispered, “Be.”

That’s all He said. Just. Be. I rolled my eyes at His simple reply and started running again, grumbling to myself and to Him. I turned down towards a hill. If there is anything I love most about running, it is running down hill. I held my arms out to balance, allowing them to flail freely as needed. My stride opened up and I enjoyed the recoil of my leg muscles as we tumbled gracefully down the path. I was soaring!

“Just Be.”  I said to myself.  “Be here.  Belong.”

The path took a sharp turn and then continued flat, I followed its curves and allowed the momentum of the hill to take me onwards. My dog joyfully looked up and back at me with his tongue flopping out the side of his mouth. His big brown eyes seemed to say “Isn’t this great?!” I laughed at his enjoyment, his complete love of the moment, and his adoration of me in his eyes. He was belonging in the moment, to himself, and to me.

I looked across the horizon, at the sunshine shimmering across the icy path.  The wind didn’t seem so bad suddenly, and my body felt warm and comfortable.

“I belong to You.”  I prayed.

Eliud Kipchoge, the World’s greatest Marathoner of all time, says; “If you don’t rule your mind, it can rule you.”  He practices visualization of overcoming and winning.  He says he repeats personal mantras to himself to keep him focused and motivated.  I have chosen those four words to be my mantra.

“I belong to You.”

The world can be mean, and rejection is one of the most painful experiences us humans have.  We were designed to need community, family, and belonging.  We crave it, and when those needs do not feel like they are being met, we try Fitting In, which is not the same thing as Belonging.

“Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene Brown.

I have been trying to make it on my own, but I left myself at home, because the chaos around me told me I wasn’t good enough.  But those are lies.  Belonging first to our Creator and King will take us on a journey of self-discovery of who we are truly meant to be.

I am not there yet, not even close.  But I am trying.  So my goals for 2022?  I want to stand true within the storm and find the Peace within to strengthen me onwards through whatever adventures He calls me to.  And maybe there, I will run my best race.

“There’s a growing body of research showing that concentrating on staying relaxed not only diverts your mind from thinking about less pleasant matters but also slightly boosts your running economy at a given pace.” Advanced Marathoning; Pete Pfitzinger and Scott Douglas.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14

The Makings of a Lion Heart

They are hidden in our midst.  Usually there is at least one in every group of kids.  Most adults can spot them within the first hour.  They are the ones that are too busy to make eye contact, have a talent for pestering their peers, and appear to be on a sugar high or crash at all times.  Adults learn their names first, as that is the name that must be repeatedly called out for silence and obedience.

Parents of that child, I know you are just cringing.  Deep down you are thinking, “Oh no, that’s my child she is talking about.”  If you are thinking that, you’re probably right.  You have been gifted with a Super-Kid; a Lion Heart.

A Super-Kid is one who has everything on full blast.  Being on a sound board and turning up the volume, treble, and base all on full blast, then turning them all off.  There is no middle ground with soothing background music; it is either fully on vibrating the walls, or completely off in a deafening silence.  Your Super-Kid is either super-happy, super excited, or super-sad or super-mad.  There is no level ground for your Super-Kid; everything is intense.  Every feeling, every sound, every word and every action means everything to your kid, and your kid experiences life on full blast.

Just in case you are reading this and unaware of what I do, I coach kids in fitness specializing in obstacles and ninja training.  I have worked with kids for many years, and have two of my own; both in my opinion are Super.  But one in particular is one of these Lion Hearts.  She has given me the experience to see what a Super-Kid is capable of first hand, and it is a beautiful thing.  Read my blog Lion Heart, for a glimpse into her life as a Super-Kid for inspiration.

I recently encountered a Lion Heart in one of my classes.  I was teaching the kids how to swing properly on a ring rig.  While the others were standing and obediently listening, this little guy, I shall call him Jake, was already trying to climb the rig to reach the rings before I could even demonstrate.  I had to repeatedly tell him to get down and listen and watch me explain.  Then after the instruction, I inform my students to get into a line.  Jake jumps right into the front, budging in front of everyone.  I let it slide, and he jumps up onto the rig and immediately falls off.  Then the rest of the kids try.  Some are able to grasp the concept right away, and others fall at different times.  Jake keeps trying to budge in line in front of other kids for another try, and all the kids and I must inform him of taking turns.  Finally it is his turn again.  As he jumps up to do it again, I instruct him on the proper technique of swinging back to gain momentum swinging forward in order to grab the next ring.  He listens and tries the concept and falls.  He again tries to budge to the front of the line.  My group of kids go through the obstacle three or four times each and I can tell the majority of them are done and are ready to move onto something else.

Except for Jake.  No, Jake jumps right back up there again, and now that there is no line, he can work on this as much as he wants.  He jumps up, makes it to the second ring, and falls.  He jumps back up, makes it to the second ring, and falls again.  He jumps back up, and makes it to the third ring, and falls.  But eventually, he gets across all of the rings.  And not only does he successfully make it across all the rings, he is now one of the best of my athletes on the ninja rig.

Many coaches, teachers, and peers can find Lion Hearts budging the line and unable to listen.  It looks like these kids are completely disregarding everyone else in the room.  And technically that’s exactly what is happening.  Jake’s determination had him focused solely on the rings; like the room and everyone in it faded in the background, and the rings were the only thing lit up.  His mind was set and nothing would stop him.  No matter how many kids are there, no matter how many times he falls, he will not stop trying.  That, my friends, is the root of a Lion Heart, and that is the makings of Greatness.

I will call this next athlete Chris.  It was our second session together and I already knew he was a Super-Kid.  I instantly liked his positive determination, but I am going to be honest, Chris is a lot.  He requires constant supervision and instruction and a lot of prep work on my part… fresh coffee and a prayer for patience.  Prior to the second class, his Mom pulled me aside and said, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Chris is a little delayed.  Socially, verbally, and physically.  Everything a regular child learns takes Chris four times slower to learn.  He has got a great attitude and tries his best, but I just thought you might need to know.”  I had already assumed most of that upon my first session with him, but hearing how he positively battles his limitations had stars in my eyes.  I guessed it!  I found another Lion Heart!  I have worked with Chris for two months now.  This little athlete started out struggling to climb over a 4ft wall and is now climbing an 8-footer.  Chris still struggles to run properly with good economy, but it has not slowed him down, not once, and just yesterday he pushed a sled that weighed more than him.  Watching him climb, run, and jump may look differently than the other kids, but I could not be more proud of him.  His Mom is amazed at the physical strength and passion he has gained, and I give him all the credit, his hyper-focus, determination, and Lion Heart gave him the courage to relentlessly pursue the Greatness that dwells within his heart. 

So why am I writing this mushy blog about kiddos?  Because I wanted to encourage those parents who may be struggling or worried about their kid.  I have been there.  I have walked into a preschool room overhearing two women I considered friends whisper that my child was wild, out of control, and is going to hurt other children.  I have had the emails and phone chats with teachers about my kid misbehaving in class and not listening.  I know how much it hurts, and how it can place turmoil in your heart.

But let me tell you about Lion Hearts.

Many of the worlds top athletes have Lion Heart traits.  They have to in order to be as successful as they are. They have to be obsessed with their sport, and be ok to try again and again regardless of the fails.  They have that spot-light focus on the skills and training of their sport.  They are willing to change the way they currently live to adapt to their passion.  The sacrifices of time, money, food, and soreness don’t even seem like losses because their determination for success is worth far more. 

Lion Heart athletes experience life at great intensity.  Since their feelings are either super high or super low, they tend to crave for those experiences in success or failure.  Competition gives you the experience of those intense feelings and a Lion Heart wants both, because just ‘being’ is not an option.

Lion Heart athletes are highly self-motivated.  With an abnormal amount of energy, having a sport is a great avenue to throw their whole selves into. They need an energy outlet and something to focus on or they will literally go crazy.  If you hadn’t guessed, I identify with these kiddos quite well, and if I do not expend my energy on a regular basis, it literally feels like I’m going to spontaneously combust.  Usually I find something daily I can throw myself into so that I can be calm for the rest of the day and not lose my mind. 

My husband jokes that I am a lot like our border collie pup.  He is three years old, and if he is not properly exercised and played with, he will chew on things, be excessively annoying and completely restless.  If he doesn’t expend his energy, he transforms into a really annoying, uncontrollable dog.  I know, my husband compares me to our hyper-active dog… but he’s not wrong though.

I do not have a secret program to give your Super-kid.  And just because I have had a few success stories at my gym with the Lion Heart’s I have encountered; a gym may not be the answer for your kid.  It might be a sport, the outdoors, or drawing and creating.  I really don’t know.  The purpose of this blog is to give parents and coaches perhaps an inside perspective on that Lion Heart that you have encountered and to encourage them to grab a cup of coffee, pray for patience, and watch the Greatness unfold.

“Nature has placed in your heart such strength to which there is no match.” Abhijit Naskar

Eustress on the Pilgrimage

I’m laying on the floor.  The sweat is stinging my eyes and forcing me to close them.  But I don’t like the darkness, so I quickly shake my head in attempts to remove the sweat droplets.  I have an eighty pound sandbag laying across my diaphragm.  With each inhale, I focus on expanding my diaphragm, lifting the sandbag up ever so slightly, and then exhale slow and long; allowing the sandbag to once again press heavy on my frame.

Being pressed against the floor, I suddenly feel trapped, and all of my feelings come rushing at me like a tidal wave.  Rejection, broken relationships, the recent passing of a loved one, and the current illnesses of other loved-ones.  All of the fears, bitterness, and hurt intoxicate me and I struggle to breathe.  I am trapped in these feelings of vulnerability and pain.  The temptation to stay here, beneath this weight of despair begins drift into my mind like the darkness that looms outside my window. I tried to breathe in deeply and on my exhale I surprise myself with a gasp as I release the stress that has been subconsciously gathering within the folds of my mind, my skin, and my heart.

And then it is time. I wipe the sweat and tears off of my face, place my hands on the sandbag and begin to roll off the baggage. I will not let it hold me down, I will not cower beneath the weight of stress. I roll to my kneels, and then triumphantly stand. Undefeated. I imagine myself as a Greek warrior, muscles glistening with sweat, rolling over my frame as I gather my composure. Then I walk back to my treadmill. Adjust it to full incline again, and prepare myself for another round of intervals. The music pounds and I jump on that treadmill at the highest speed I can run and give it everything I have because I am a fighter.

Each round I complete, I feel stronger and stronger. Continuously rolling that bag off of me and rising to my feet, I am filled with a sense of empowerment and increasing freedom.

There is two types of stress we face in our lives; healthy stress and distress.  When we are in distress, our bodies go into flight mode; all systems on high alert and on overdrive and causing more damage than good (I give a glimpse of what happens internally to our bodies in distress in my blog The War Within).

The good type of stress is eustress, in which we receive when we are either exercising, practicing a skill, or taking a course; it’s a stress that encourages our bodies and minds to progress. It increases our neural efficiency, our cardiovascular system and cardiac function, and musculoskeletal integrity. And that adrenaline we feel when we workout, epinephrine; increases our blood circulation and ventilation.

This morning I was mad. I had no desire to workout. I was hoping to go back to Ontario, visit some old friends, and run a race; but things fell through. I felt like once again God was telling me to let go of the past and remain content in the here and now. I keep allowing my mind to drift to how easy things were in my old life. Having a full time career that was surrounded in friendships and income that came hand in hand with coaching large group fitness classes (without pandemic fears!). All these things I had worked years to build up. I tend to look back with rose coloured lenses. But things fell through and I wasn’t able to go. Knowing lots of my friends here in Alberta were able to fly out and I was not, also made it quite hard. Every time I logged onto social media the race was plastered everywhere. So did I want to workout today? Nope. I wanted to eat junk food all day, stay in my PJ’s, and watch chick-flicks.

But that would be like holding onto that weighted sandbag all day, allowing its weight to press me further into despair. I would be allowing distress to take over instead of giving my body positive eustress to grow from. When someone jokes its easy for me to workout cause I like it? False. I workout because it ignites a fire within me, and then I like it. I know the benefits of it outweighs any other avenue I could take to deal with my distress.

There is a verse that keeps rolling around in my mind; “Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.” Psalm 84:5

Falling in love with the people and the land of Alberta has been easy, I have no desire to move back to my old life, I just miss aspects of it.  And strangely enough, the things I miss about the easiness of working full-time continues to be taken from me here now due to this unending pandemic.  But there is this growing longing within my soul, a feeling of being called to explore God’s incredible Rocky Mountains.  I feel as though I am on a pilgrimage to find more of Him, to discover Him within His wild creation, and within the hearts of the amazing women he has brought into my life.  So maybe working full-time would prevent me from fully embarking on this pilgrimage.

My eyes had drifted off this calling, and as my gaze lingered elsewhere, I began picking up extra baggage; I picked up past hurts and insecurities I had previously released.  I began to coddle fears I cannot control.  I allowed these thoughts to creep into that bag and weigh me down.

So I will grab that heavy bag by the horns and not let it weigh me down anymore.  I will release what I cannot control and take hold of what I can; the wild pursuit of embarking on this pilgrimage.

“Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free.” Psalm 118:5

 

Scattered Stones

It had only been a few days of marching and the results of their conquest was not significant nor was there any change evident. They may have begun to doubt this battle plan.  Their faith may have wavered, but each day their focus was true, and they awoke faithful warriors to the call placed before them.

The army of Israel got out of their tents every morning faithfully obedient and hopeful to the battle plan. They checked their gear and encouraged each other to unite. Together they marched around the city. The city of Jericho was roughly 2km around; leaving enough space between them and the city to avoid defensive arrows, navigating a mass unified army across uneven terrain, all while carrying the ark…a massive box covered in solid gold, this march might have taken them an hour. For six days these soldiers put on their leather sandals and uniforms, others picked up the heavy ark of the covenant, and together they walked for two kilometres. Every day. Some may have considered this a waste of time and pointless, but they faithfully trusted in their God and stuck to the plan. Each day was like the one before; with only worn out sandals and tired bodies as proof of change. On the seventh consecutive day, they marched around the city seven times. Fourteen kilometres and roughly seven hours of marching in sandals and battle gear. At the end of the last march, they would have been tired, hot, and sore; all while standing uncomfortably with blistered feet in the hot sand.

Faithfully committed to the plan, at the end of that very long day, the priests stopped and raised their trumpets high and through parched throats, blasted those trumpets as if calling heaven itself.  The people released their anguish and shouted loudly together in faith.  And then the ground shook.  The wall that had towered above them for seven days crumbled into pieces like sand before their aching feet.  I imagine a moment of silence and awe from both Israel and Jericho when the dust settled and they gazed across the destruction that laid before their eyes.  Then with renewed faith, Israel stormed Jericho and conquered the city.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

After the triumph, Joshua commanded the people to not take the plunder of Jericho, but some had forgotten all too quickly who truly brought the walls down and brought them their victory. These few disobeyed and gathered treasures for themselves. They hid these amongst their possessions, hoping that they would not be found out.

As the Israelites continued on in their conquest to take over the land promised to them, they readied themselves for another battle. After confidently marching into battle, they were quickly cut down and chased away by the men of Ai. Devastated, Joshua turned to God and cried out in confusion and agony. Why would God allow this to happen? Wasn’t their victory promised to them by God Himself? Why the betrayal?

Or, more importantly, who betrayed who?

“I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction.” Joshua 7:12

“You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?” Galatians 5:7

We have all been there.  We develop a plan for ourselves; in life, in faith, in wellness.  We look over the battle plan and think we have all it takes to conquer our goals, but we overlook the hidden treasures lurking in the shadows.  Those warning signs that call for our attention that we purposefully ignore because we are too focused on the battle.  Those things hidden beneath the surface may be the very thing that will cause you to lose the battle entirely.

The grind is hard enough without these stumbling stones in our lives. Harder still with them. So before you go into battle, check your gear. Do you have anything strapped to you that may be slowing you down? What is beneath the surface that may become a stumbling stone on your journey?

Warrior; clear the stones, so that you can run straight with sure footing. With the path clear, you can lift your eyes from the ground and look towards the prize. Sometimes the battle seems mundane, repetitive or insignificant; but you are not alone. Put your faith in the One who will fight our battles for us and tear down those walls that we so desperately want to conquer. He alone will give us the victory; all we have to do is faithfully rise and march.

It is among you, O Israel. You cannot stand against your enemies until you remove it. Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow; for this is what the Lord, the God of Israel says. (Based on Joshua 7:13)

Reflection

 

I am still in the wilderness.  Everything that was meant to sustain me has been depleted.  My pack is empty.  I have nothing left to take, nothing left to give.  My heart is still beating and fighting through, straining as if I have climbed too high.  There is no oxygen left to fill my lungs, intertwine with my blood, twist, drop, and curve within my heart and then flush through my veins to fill my muscles with much needed energy.  No, I am depleted of even oxygen.  My legs burn for air; they ache and scream.  My body presses on as if in a drunk state, stumbling with every step, longing for relief.

I have been in the wilderness far too long, and I do not know the way out. The sun is beginning to hide its rays behind the peaks.  I can feel the cool air start to settle in and rest on my soul.  Sleep calls to me.  My eyes feel heavy and burdened.  Oh to sleep.  To sleep away this pain, this exhaustion, this nightmare.

I’ve been searching in this wilderness… searching to find myself.  I thought I came with her to these trails, but as I ventured further on this unfamiliar path, the reflection in the running waters became distorted and all that I thought I knew of my being became blurry.  I had sat on a rock and watched my reflection wash down the stream, over the rocks, tumbling over the little waves.  In the rushing waters no one heard her screams.  She just silently drifted further and further from my sight until she was no more.

I had sat there, waiting perhaps she would return when I looked back into the water.  But all that stared back at me was crowded rocks; sharp, edgy, cold, and unrecognizable features.  That’s when I looked to the sun, and the highest peak of the mountain.  That’s where I will go.  That’s where I will journey.  Towards the heavens I will climb.

It is hard to climb towards the sun when your pack is empty.

My lips became dry and cracked, my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth.  I looked up again, barely seeing the evidence of the sun.

“I have nothing left!”  I shouted as hard and as loud as I could towards the heavens, arms outstretched in hopeless defeat.  My voice echoed back at me, as if the sky itself was mocking me as it reminded me of my loneliness.

I heard the cracking of a branch behind me further down the trail.  My breathing stopped.  My heart pressed up against my chest as if to listen in.  I held my breath and slowly looked around, trying to find a shadow between the trees.  I was not alone anymore.

Panic filled my heart and my body began to tremble.  I ran.  Scrambling up higher and higher on the mountain, the pain suddenly vanished as the adrenaline kicked in.  I did not look back, but pressed on.  Shrubs and vines seemed to burst through the ground and latch onto my legs, scrapping them with every step.  I could feel my legs go raw, but I pressed on.  Faster and faster.  I could see a clearing just ahead.  With my eyes fixed on the clearing, my body seemed to take on life all on its on and push me further and faster up the climb.

“Stop.”

As clear as day, I heard the voice.  I stopped and looked behind me.  Silence through the trees.  Not a shadow in sight.  I held my breath and allowed the trembling in my legs to subside.  Taking deeps breaths of thin air, I scanned the hills before me.  Nothing.  I was alone.

I brought my eyes up to the skyline.  I could see the sun again.  Unexpected relief swept over me as I allowed the warmth of its rays embrace my face.  The wind blew around my hair, playing with the tangles as if in a dance.  The mountain peaks stood at attention surrounding me, white crowns of snow sparkled to display intoxicating glory.

There I saw it, shimmer across the sky like the northern lights displaying its brilliance in the blue skies.  I narrowed my eyes and tried to see it clearer, the lights gave a glimmer of rainbow reflection, as if I was staring through a bubble.  I moved slowly in a circle, and the horizon seemed to move with me, as if I stood between two mirrors reflecting the beauty of each other.  I reached out to touch the skies, and noticed my skin had become translucent.  Twisting my arms over and back, I could see the outline of my arm, but the reflection of the beauty and the skies within them.  I looked down at my body, and it too, reflected the beauty that surrounded me.

Had I become no more, or had I become more beautiful than ever before?

I had been baptized in the waters.  My old self, everything I held dear and considered of worth had tumbled down the river; lost in the darkness where it belongs.  And here I stand, stripped of my own identity, captivated by this glory surrounding me; and reflecting it.

I have become nothing, so He can become more.

“Our progressive glorification is the experience of growing in ways of thinking and feeling and behaving that reflect the glory of God in Christ.”

“For their beauty is their delight in and reflection of his beauty.”   Providence: by John Piper

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”  Ezekiel 36:26

Victim Hearts

There has been an attack against our children.  We may not see it until we have grown old and they have reached adulthood, but it has taken root and is beginning to manifest in the hearts of our kids.

Inactivity is the real pandemic.  200,000 deaths annually are associated with physical inactivity.  It is linked to obesity, diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease.  And you know what’s the most terrifying aspect of all of this?  These issues develop as early as childhood years.

I have a ten year old son.  This past year he has been quarantined for over fifty days without leaving the house or seeing any of his friends.  He has had school, friendships, activities and sports all be removed from his life unpredictably off and on all year around.  I have had days where he has shown signs of depression; feeling down and irritated and not understanding why.  For his mental health, we decided to invest in a gaming system so that he could connect with his friends online for him to have some social interaction outside of his four walls.

But we sat.  He sat to play games with his friends online.  We sat when we played board games together.  He sat when he played lego with his sister.  He sat when he read.  We sat when we had movie nights.  And what is a mother to do?  Force him to go on the treadmill for twenty minutes a day?  Even I don’t want to do that.

Low levels of exercise in children brings them to a higher risk for Cardiovascular Disease as adults.  Cholesterol and immune cells can accumulate within arterial walls becoming inflamed, which can lead to arteriosclerosis, the hardening of the arteries.  This plaque can begin to develop in children.

And I know, as parents we are feeling helpless.  What do we do?  We are teaching our children to live sedentary lives.  Childhood behaviours reflect in adulthood behaviours, and this year my son has developed a talent for sitting on the couch.

We need to fight for our kids.  Now with restrictions lifting, as ever slowly as they are, and the weather is getting better, we need to reverse the damage that has been done.

I teach a kids obstacle fitness class.  Prior to this last shut down of children’s sports, I had these athletes running around for an hour; pushing sleds, doing burpees, swinging, and climbing.  They had enormous amounts of energy…they were literally climbing the walls….that I taught them to climb.

Yesterday was the first day back and the change I saw in these kids was staggering.  It had been four months of winter, gym shut down, and inactivity for these athletes; and it showed.  They were tired within the first four minutes of structured exercise.  They were oh so happy to be there, but were overwhelmed with the toll quarantine had had on them. 

One eight year old fell off the monkey bars and looked up shockingly at them; “I used to rock climb all the time, I am normally good at these.”

A seven year old girl climbed up a 6ft wall, and laid on the top of it and shouted “why am I so tired?!”

My ten year old son pushed a sled 30lbs lighter than what he had done before, and struggled to make it across the turf floor.

Thank goodness these athletes are back.  I can strengthen their hearts once more.

There are two aspects to improve ones blood pressure; change the heart and change the vessels.  Aerobic Training 3-4 days/week for 30-60mins at 60-70% VO2max can reduce blood pressure directly.  Aerobic training prevents vessel walls from hardening, improves oxygen delivery, reduces stress and blood pressure, reduces potential blood clotting, reducing body fat and inflammation.

VO2max; maximal oxygen consumption/uptake, is the maximum rate of oxygen consumption measured during increased aerobic intensity.  The higher your VO2max is, the healthier your aerobic capacity is.  During adulthood, without continued aerobic conditioning, one loses 1% of their VO2max per year.  Setting up our children for success, means encouraging improvement to their VO2max levels now. 

Studies have shown, individuals who engage in activities of longer duration and high intensity tend to live longer, regardless of what age they began participation; so its not too late, but even better to start now.

We are building our children, from the inside out, for a better future.  As a parent and coach, I want to raise little warriors; with strong hearts, capable bodies, and resilient minds.  And that begins within the beat of their hearts.

Lets fight for our Children; for their health and their future.