Sifting

He looked down from on high and gathered the sand in His hands. Each tiny rock, a speck of dust, were options; choices, circumstances, and experiences that have yet happened. He brought the dust closer in to inspect each one carefully. Gently, he sifted through it, allowing some events to fall like a waterfall from between His fingers and off the side of his hand. Never to be experienced. Possibilities that didn’t line up with his plan and purpose.

He pointed his index finger into the remaining pile of dust and lovingly swirled the tiny stones around the palm of his hand. Hidden under the dust was a scar of his own that he had chosen long ago to start this beautiful relationship he was now cultivating with the tip of his finger.

A tear escaped his eye and rolled down his majestic face. The pain he knew these experiences would cause brought tightness to his heart, but he knew the end result, and it would be a glorious sight.

Three dark stones rested in the midst of the others. He gazed at them and took a deep breath in, pressing his finger on top of them as they rested on top of his scar.

It was time.

I drove into work with a deep sense of foreboding. My husband had told me not to think the worst of the meeting, but the way my life was unravelling, I just knew there was one final stone to be tossed. Slowly I made my way towards the doors, and in a daze I set my bag down and took a seat at my desk. My boss came in, and the moment I saw his expression, I knew the end of this story.

I lost my job. My dream job. My boss ensured me it was of no fault of my own, they had to restructure and do some serious budget cuts. I had poured my life into that job, and now, although I know it wasn’t personal, it sure felt like I was being tossed to the curb. The meeting took all but fifteen minutes, and like a wrecking ball, it was the final swing that brought the house tumbling down.

I had been grieving a broken friendship, mourning the loss of a family member and the trauma that surrounded it. Now I had lost the stable income that was also a job I had thought was the pinnacle of my career. I had nothing left to give. I broke.

Three stones.

“For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.” Isaiah 54:7

I knew I had snapped. My husband stayed close to home those first few days, afraid to leave me alone. I was in a dark haze while the days blurred together. My life as I knew it had come to an abrupt halt. My thoughts slurred together in a messy compilation of self-hate, doubt, and hopelessness.

“When the Holy Spirit is received, sifting starts – God is going to refine you, and burn up the sin in your life to become a witness.” – Pastor Garrett Mourn.

He looked down at the three stones that lay upon his scar, and then around at other tiny stones that remained scattered in the palm of his hand. He waited until he heard the distant cry of the shattering of a broken spirit. He shuttered at the sound. It brought agony to his heart. Being a Refiner was no easy task. With a heavenly sigh, he brought his finger to the loose pebbles and allowed one pebble, as small as a mustard seed, to roll onto his scar and join the three.

Those three stones flew straight for my reflection. What I had seen as who I was and where my value laid was now shattered before me like broken glass. The pieces began to fall away and rays of light began to shine through the cracks. As I fixed my eyes on his purpose, a sight more stunningly beautiful than anything I could have imagined began to appear. His radiance surrounded an image of myself I could hardly believe was true. She was clothed in peace and gentleness. Her heart beat smoothly, as if held up by hands unseen. Her eyes were steadfast with a profound wisdom hidden within her soul. She was the image of resiliency that she forged within the walls of her home. Her children stood empowered by her side; healthy, confident, and beautiful. She stood as a fortress, pure and unwavering. Truth whispered to my heart, “Great will be your children’s peace. In righteousness, you will be established.” (Isaiah 54:13-14)

“Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.” Isaiah 38:1

I looked down at my current state. The hard part was over, the canvas was wiped clean. Now it was time to work alongside the Artist to start painting his purpose before me. Together, we pursued movement, wisdom, and guidance.

We all have heard and are aware of the hormonal benefits of exercise. This was my first shield of defence. I aimed to elevate my heart-rate a little higher than normal and move my body to trigger those happy endorphins every day. Some days I was empowered to make it through, but other days, I needed to just stop and rest. I allowed myself to grieve, cry, sit, pray, and sleep. I knew, just as much as I needed the physical activity to boost those hormones, I also needed the downtime, as my mind was on high stress trying to process everything I had been through.

Wisdom was found connecting with women who resembled the woman God was molding me to become. I met with these women in my honest brokenness, and they spoke truth and wisdom into my life. I was pushed out of my comfort zone with these incredible Warriors of Faith; holding hands and praying in the middle of Starbucks and Sushi restaurants. Ladies, you know who you are. Your influence over my life held me together, kept me sane, and pointed me towards our Saviour. I cannot thank you enough for being unafraid to stand with me in my darkest moments.

I found an amazing book titled, Building a Resilient Life; by Rebekah Lyons. Throughout this book, I walked through my pain, being able to identify its source, and then take action on overcoming it. If you are struggling through a traumatic event or a significant loss and feel completely broken, I highly recommend this book. She defines Resilience as the ability to be content, to accept what is, and to have the courage to surrender to Christ anything that comes our way. She shares how nothing we are going through hasn’t been sifted through God’s hands. His good and perfect will is for us to be drawn to him, and to gain our strength from him. Whatever we are going through, we are not supposed to go through it alone.

He gently folded his hand and closed his fingers on top of the stones. Tightening his fist around it all; the good experiences and the bad ones, he allowed them to grind against each other, refining them with friction. Opening his hand again, all of the dirt and ash had vanished within the folds of his hands. There, now capturing the rays of the sun, was left the purest of gold and the clearest of diamonds. Beautiful jewels sparkled in the palm of his hand. He smiled lovingly at the result, then reached for a crown he had been molding for years. He graciously added the pieces onto the crown. A crown, perfect for a daughter of the King.

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10

Pursue.

I was completely alone in the woods.  Panic started to settle in.  Was I lost?  Had I took a wrong path?  I kept telling myself to push through and to keep going.  I was six hours and 42km into this race, and there was no way I was going to stop now.  I was committed.

After an exhausting climb to the top, I began my decent down, and that is when the pain shifted from muscle fatigue to joint pain. Each step down screamed at me to stop. It was all I could focus on, but I pressed on.

I felt the longing ten years ago.  It nagged at me, like something was pulling the bottom of my heart strings.  I couldn’t place it, but words started to settle in and take root;  community, family, wellness, adventure, building.

So I began to search.  I tried to create this environment I had in my church.  And it failed.  I didn’t have the people skills or the knowledge to know how to start it.  Then I tried it at work, and it started to build.  People started connecting.  Friendships and bonds were beginning to form.  Kids and parents started to gather together…I felt like my dream was finally starting to take form.

With my husband’s work causing us to move, a song inspired me to take the leap; The Struts would sing, “Could have been me”.  I had to take the chance.  Just what if its out there?  What if I missed out on an opportunity?

The song sings, “I wanna taste love and pain, wanna feel pride and shame. I don’t wanna take my time, don’t wanna waste one line. I wanna live better days, never look back and say could have been me, it could have been me.”

Often when I am inside, my thoughts and heart begin to wander.  My gaze drifts to a window and I search for a view of the mountains.  They are constantly calling me.  They often interrupt my thoughts in mid-conversation and they tempt me to run away and recklessly abandon all solidarity and run.  There are times my body is present, but my spirit is off soaring on a subconscious adventure through the trees, dodging roots and rocks that speckle the curvaceous path before me.

So we moved and I pursued again.  For five years.  I tried again to form this vision at two more gyms and another church.  My heart began to ache, and I remember saying to my husband, “Why would God place this vision, this longing on my heart if it’s not meant to be?”

I started to work at a gym that didn’t have a facility.  This gym would pop up kids camps and school bootcamps.  They had said maybe eventually they would open up a gym in Calgary.

And then the nagging grew until it felt like I couldn’t hear anything else.  I blindly started typing out my dream, my vision.  Like a dam breaking and the waters finally released to flow, rushing through unmarked land, recklessly abandoning all caution. 

I poured. And then I leaped. I sent it to my boss.

I had been running for nearly eight hours.  I was positive my toes were bleeding.  My hydration pack was causing callouses on my collar bone and lower back, and my knees screamed at every step I took.  The trees cleared and the path before me opened up towards the finish line.  I pushed past the pain, opened my stride one last time, and ran down the hill.  Fifty-two kilometres.  I did it.  I completed my first solo Ultra.  Crossing that line, I crumbled; gasping for air I was over-taken by emotions of relief, of pain, of joy.  The experience of that moment will forever be something I will cherish.  I was stubborn enough to pursue the finish line, and now have the medal to prove it.

The day after I sent that email to my boss, he called me.  I answered, and he said; “So I read your email and laughed.”

I forgot to breathe and my heart felt like it stopped mid-beat.  He continued; “Yesterday I met with the owner, and we wrote down what we had envisioned if we started a gym here in Calgary.  And then after the meeting I received your email; describing our gym.”

I am now apart of a new gym whose focus is build community and empower athletes; for every member of the family.  The gym opens in a couple of weeks, and I am so excited to begin this new job I am made to do.  Every experience, every failure, every obstacle that I faced, has been preparing me for this new adventure.

Dear friend, pursue your dreams.  Jump in with both feet.  Pray relentlessly.  And despite all of the pain, all of the years of waiting, longing, training; pursue.  Because dreams really can come true.

“When you have found just how fast you can run; When you have found your place in the sun. It’s not just you that you’ll find; has made the run and the climb. It’s everyone. Learning to bend and not to break; living to give more than you take. Dying to live, living to try; feet on the ground, dreams in the sky. It’s never how much you have.” Living The Braveheart Life: Randall Wallace.

The Makings of a Lion Heart

They are hidden in our midst.  Usually there is at least one in every group of kids.  Most adults can spot them within the first hour.  They are the ones that are too busy to make eye contact, have a talent for pestering their peers, and appear to be on a sugar high or crash at all times.  Adults learn their names first, as that is the name that must be repeatedly called out for silence and obedience.

Parents of that child, I know you are just cringing.  Deep down you are thinking, “Oh no, that’s my child she is talking about.”  If you are thinking that, you’re probably right.  You have been gifted with a Super-Kid; a Lion Heart.

A Super-Kid is one who has everything on full blast.  Being on a sound board and turning up the volume, treble, and base all on full blast, then turning them all off.  There is no middle ground with soothing background music; it is either fully on vibrating the walls, or completely off in a deafening silence.  Your Super-Kid is either super-happy, super excited, or super-sad or super-mad.  There is no level ground for your Super-Kid; everything is intense.  Every feeling, every sound, every word and every action means everything to your kid, and your kid experiences life on full blast.

Just in case you are reading this and unaware of what I do, I coach kids in fitness specializing in obstacles and ninja training.  I have worked with kids for many years, and have two of my own; both in my opinion are Super.  But one in particular is one of these Lion Hearts.  She has given me the experience to see what a Super-Kid is capable of first hand, and it is a beautiful thing.  Read my blog Lion Heart, for a glimpse into her life as a Super-Kid for inspiration.

I recently encountered a Lion Heart in one of my classes.  I was teaching the kids how to swing properly on a ring rig.  While the others were standing and obediently listening, this little guy, I shall call him Jake, was already trying to climb the rig to reach the rings before I could even demonstrate.  I had to repeatedly tell him to get down and listen and watch me explain.  Then after the instruction, I inform my students to get into a line.  Jake jumps right into the front, budging in front of everyone.  I let it slide, and he jumps up onto the rig and immediately falls off.  Then the rest of the kids try.  Some are able to grasp the concept right away, and others fall at different times.  Jake keeps trying to budge in line in front of other kids for another try, and all the kids and I must inform him of taking turns.  Finally it is his turn again.  As he jumps up to do it again, I instruct him on the proper technique of swinging back to gain momentum swinging forward in order to grab the next ring.  He listens and tries the concept and falls.  He again tries to budge to the front of the line.  My group of kids go through the obstacle three or four times each and I can tell the majority of them are done and are ready to move onto something else.

Except for Jake.  No, Jake jumps right back up there again, and now that there is no line, he can work on this as much as he wants.  He jumps up, makes it to the second ring, and falls.  He jumps back up, makes it to the second ring, and falls again.  He jumps back up, and makes it to the third ring, and falls.  But eventually, he gets across all of the rings.  And not only does he successfully make it across all the rings, he is now one of the best of my athletes on the ninja rig.

Many coaches, teachers, and peers can find Lion Hearts budging the line and unable to listen.  It looks like these kids are completely disregarding everyone else in the room.  And technically that’s exactly what is happening.  Jake’s determination had him focused solely on the rings; like the room and everyone in it faded in the background, and the rings were the only thing lit up.  His mind was set and nothing would stop him.  No matter how many kids are there, no matter how many times he falls, he will not stop trying.  That, my friends, is the root of a Lion Heart, and that is the makings of Greatness.

I will call this next athlete Chris.  It was our second session together and I already knew he was a Super-Kid.  I instantly liked his positive determination, but I am going to be honest, Chris is a lot.  He requires constant supervision and instruction and a lot of prep work on my part… fresh coffee and a prayer for patience.  Prior to the second class, his Mom pulled me aside and said, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Chris is a little delayed.  Socially, verbally, and physically.  Everything a regular child learns takes Chris four times slower to learn.  He has got a great attitude and tries his best, but I just thought you might need to know.”  I had already assumed most of that upon my first session with him, but hearing how he positively battles his limitations had stars in my eyes.  I guessed it!  I found another Lion Heart!  I have worked with Chris for two months now.  This little athlete started out struggling to climb over a 4ft wall and is now climbing an 8-footer.  Chris still struggles to run properly with good economy, but it has not slowed him down, not once, and just yesterday he pushed a sled that weighed more than him.  Watching him climb, run, and jump may look differently than the other kids, but I could not be more proud of him.  His Mom is amazed at the physical strength and passion he has gained, and I give him all the credit, his hyper-focus, determination, and Lion Heart gave him the courage to relentlessly pursue the Greatness that dwells within his heart. 

So why am I writing this mushy blog about kiddos?  Because I wanted to encourage those parents who may be struggling or worried about their kid.  I have been there.  I have walked into a preschool room overhearing two women I considered friends whisper that my child was wild, out of control, and is going to hurt other children.  I have had the emails and phone chats with teachers about my kid misbehaving in class and not listening.  I know how much it hurts, and how it can place turmoil in your heart.

But let me tell you about Lion Hearts.

Many of the worlds top athletes have Lion Heart traits.  They have to in order to be as successful as they are. They have to be obsessed with their sport, and be ok to try again and again regardless of the fails.  They have that spot-light focus on the skills and training of their sport.  They are willing to change the way they currently live to adapt to their passion.  The sacrifices of time, money, food, and soreness don’t even seem like losses because their determination for success is worth far more. 

Lion Heart athletes experience life at great intensity.  Since their feelings are either super high or super low, they tend to crave for those experiences in success or failure.  Competition gives you the experience of those intense feelings and a Lion Heart wants both, because just ‘being’ is not an option.

Lion Heart athletes are highly self-motivated.  With an abnormal amount of energy, having a sport is a great avenue to throw their whole selves into. They need an energy outlet and something to focus on or they will literally go crazy.  If you hadn’t guessed, I identify with these kiddos quite well, and if I do not expend my energy on a regular basis, it literally feels like I’m going to spontaneously combust.  Usually I find something daily I can throw myself into so that I can be calm for the rest of the day and not lose my mind. 

My husband jokes that I am a lot like our border collie pup.  He is three years old, and if he is not properly exercised and played with, he will chew on things, be excessively annoying and completely restless.  If he doesn’t expend his energy, he transforms into a really annoying, uncontrollable dog.  I know, my husband compares me to our hyper-active dog… but he’s not wrong though.

I do not have a secret program to give your Super-kid.  And just because I have had a few success stories at my gym with the Lion Heart’s I have encountered; a gym may not be the answer for your kid.  It might be a sport, the outdoors, or drawing and creating.  I really don’t know.  The purpose of this blog is to give parents and coaches perhaps an inside perspective on that Lion Heart that you have encountered and to encourage them to grab a cup of coffee, pray for patience, and watch the Greatness unfold.

“Nature has placed in your heart such strength to which there is no match.” Abhijit Naskar